She says "he doesn’t listen to me", he says "but I do what she tells me to do". Can they both be right? This question plagues many relationships, some between males and females, and some where the roles are reversed.
The answer lies in this week’s Torah portion Yisro, where we recount the giving of the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai. There we read that the Jewish people accepted the Torah by saying “we will do, and we will listen”.
The giving of the Ten Commandments is an example of a relationship being formed, in this case it’s the Jewish people and G-d, but the same can be applied to any relationship. They require both doing and listening.
While it is true that action speaks loudest, and fulfilling the desires of another is the building blocks for any relationship. Listening is how we take the relationship to the next level. When one person talks, they are revealing themselves to the other. If the recipient truly opens themselves up, not only hearing but listening to what their partner is saying, then the communication can help one learn more about the another, that they may grow more deeply connected.
This is the value of “doing” and “listening”. Yes, you might be good and getting things done, but if you don’t take the time to listen, you will never truly connect with another person. To listen fully is not easy, it requires clearing our minds, to make room for another’s perspective. Yet the effort it requires is worth it, as only then can we truly come to know one another, and fully connect as human beings.
Good Shabbos & Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Mendy Dubrowski
Mission: Think of your friends and family, those closest to you. Do you fully listen when they speak? Do you find yourself struggling to make sense of their actions? Are you mind to listen to them, and you’ll come to know them better then ever before.