Rabbi Mendy's Blog - Chabad Chai

I've got so much trauma, how can I move forward?

Friday, May 30, 2025 - 1:42 PM

I am a product of trauma. Each of us, without fail, can probably look back on our lives and find a traumatic experience that has helped shape who we are today. Especially in our early years on earth, we can all find moments where we were more or less traumatized by the actions of others. How can we possibly move beyond this caricature and build a bright, beautiful future for ourselves and our world? After all, I am where I come from.

The answer lies in this week's torah portion, Bamidbar, which we read just before the start of Shavuot on Sunday evening. Bamidbar means in the desert, and of course, Shavuot celebrates the day we received the Torah on Mt. Sinai. The question is posed by many: why the desert? Is there no better place to give the Jewish people the Torah? Let's consider the desert; it's a place where people do not dwell. Not only can people not dwell there, but seemingly nothing can, including what you might assume is spirituality. G-d, therefore, transforms our worldview by specifically choosing the desert as the scene for the giving of the Torah to tell us that its divine wisdom is always accessible no matter who you are, where you are, or where you've come from.

This idea is cemented by the lives of three Jewish luminaries, some of the greatest that ever lived, and their connection to the holiday of Shavuot. Moshe, who brought the Torah down the mountain on this day; King David, who was born and passed on this day; and the Baal Shemtov, who passed on Shavuot. Each of these giants grew up in traumatic, even tragic circumstances; though different one from the next, they were all tested tremendously at a very young age. Yet, through the study of Torah, they were able to move forward informed by their early challenges but not defined by them.

The availability of Torah to all people, at all times and in all places, enables us to transcend the limitations of nature and nurture, propelling ourselves forward to reach greater and greater heights. Yes, we are where we come from, but we can be so much more if we're only willing to climb the divine ladder of Jewish life.

Mission: Start learning more Torah on your own, in a class, or with a partner; it doesn't matter what you learn, only that you learn. Watch your worldview transform through the gift of a divine lens.

Exile is real; we all feel it, now let us fight it.

Friday, May 23, 2025 - 1:41 PM

We were exiled from our homeland over 2,000 years ago. So what? Why is that such a challenge that we hope and pray multiple times a day that we return to the land of Israel? It would seem that after much pain and persecution, we've finally managed to build a life for ourselves in our newly adopted countries, so why does the focus remain on our dispersion across the world?

The answer lies in this week's double Torah portion, Behar-Bechukosai. There, we learn about the calamity that will befall us if we fail to heed G-d's word. One of the eventual consequences is that we will be exiled and subsequently cause each other to stumble. You might ask about the connection between these two outcomes. The Sifra commentary gives a simple answer: we, the Jewish people, are collectively responsible for each other, and therefore, when we're exiled and spread apart, we can no longer support each other, and thus, when we stumble, no one is there to catch us and break our fall.

This lack of cohesion because of our physical distance from one community, one person to the next, threatens our survival as it increases the difficulty of supporting each other. That is why our return and reunification in Israel are so essential to our people, so we can once again provide the support each of us needs to rise above the difficulty and the darkness of the day and shine our light across the globe.

We hope and pray that day comes now, but until it does, rest assured, Chabad Centers worldwide will do everything we can to keep us connected and support each other in any way we can.

Yesterday, the darkness of our world reared its ugly face once again, taking the lives of two special souls, Yaron and Sarah. In these moments, we may feel angry, frustrated, and fearful, but let us remember that no evil can ever destroy our spirit when we stick together. They can try to pick us apart, but as these two luminaries showed through the life they led, we will never stop living, never stop loving, and never stop shining. Tonight, we light Shabbat candles across the globe and commit to connecting and supporting each other more than ever before.

Mission: Light your candles tonight, and hold them high. Then, resolve to connect and support your Jewish family wherever you are. What can you do to strengthen your community?

Why can't we just get along? It's this simple

Friday, May 16, 2025 - 1:40 PM

Why is it so hard for us to get along? We know that disunity has plagued our people for thousands of years and caused more destruction than any of our enemies; in fact, Lag B'omer, which is today, commemorates the end of Rabbi Akiva's students dying from a plague as a consequence of their disrespect for one another. Considering everything we've faced in the past, why haven't we learned our lesson and learned to love each other?

People will tell you that it's because of the choices others make, because of their faults, their shortcomings, their mistakes. The truth is it's a lie; we all have shortcomings, faults, and mistakes, and somehow we manage to continue loving ourselves. Why? We choose to see the good in ourselves even though we know there's another side to our story. The answer to our age-old challenge lies in this week's Torah portion, Emor. The Torah tells us to speak softly and remind those who may have faltered momentarily that your past mistakes do not define you; you are Bnei Aharon, the sons of Aaron, the High Priest. You are royalty, a prestigious nation, and one deserving of kindness, love, and respect, no matter the path you've taken previously. If we could only remember this simple truth, then we'd be marching forward confidently united in our mission of illuminating the world and banishing the darkness.

Today is a day to resolve and take action to unify our people. Hinei Ma Tov Uma Naim Sheves Achim Gam Yachad. Call a friend, extend a hand, host a Shabbat dinner, support your community. Together we will rise and bring peace and harmony to our world with the coming of Moshaich speedily, amen!

How can I love them if I have hate in my heart?

Friday, May 9, 2025 - 1:39 PM

Hatred is rampant in our world; no matter where you look, people are at each other's throats, and division in our world grows stronger every day. We know the golden rule, "love thy neighbor as thyself," which is in this week's Torah portion. However, I can't change how I feel. Should I just pretend to like them?

The answer indeed lies in this week's Torah portion Acharei Mos - Kedoshim. There, we learn the commandment "you shall not hate your fellow in your heart." We can clearly see that faking it isn't the advocated path; instead, we are told to address our underlying feelings and the way we feel. This can only be done if we properly address our feelings and communicate with our fellow. I know it is difficult and uncomfortable to talk and share what's bothering us with the other person, but the Torah tells us that we're all responsible for each other. Therefore, we must do whatever is necessary to address our feelings and remove the hate we carry to truly love one another like ourselves.

Nobody said it was easy, but the path set for us by G-d is to model this behaviour for the world. If we fail to do so, the world will continue to devolve into a self-consuming society of division and hatred, leading to our eventual destruction. Relationships among humans can be challenging, as G-d created each of us with our own unique perspective. It's hard to see the world any other way. Yet, we know that our future will depend on our ability to work together to achieve our shared mission of making this world a home for the Almighty. So, put down your phone and stop tweeting, posting, commenting, and chatting. Instead, talk directly to him/her. Tell them how you feel respectfully, and listen to them do the same. It might take a moment, but in short order, you will begin to see them as your fellow, as another person with a G-dly soul on their own journey through life. You might be shocked to find that the person you once hated, you now love.

Mission: You can't allow hatred to fester in your heart, so when it starts to sprout, compel yourself to have the tough conversation with your fellow and cleanse the poison from your midst so love can grow again.

Who cares, it's just words, right?

Friday, May 2, 2025 - 1:39 PM

Words might seem innocuous and insignificant; after all, they're just words. So why does the Torah make such a big deal out of Lashon Horah speaking badly about someone else?

The answer lies in this week's double Torah portion Taazria-Metzorah. There, we learn about the consequences of speaking Lashon Hora, a skin affliction called Tzoraas. Once diagnosed with this condition by a Kohen, the individual would have to leave the Jewish camp for a week, living in isolation as they reflected on their actions. The harshness of the punishment reflected the severity of the action. In fact, the Torah likens it to murder, not of one person but three: The teller, the listener, and the subject person. Why so serious? They're only words.

A simple review of our history is shocking; how have we survived so many attempts at annihilation? The answer is simple: our faith in Hashem and the strength of our community. Alone, facing the adversity that surrounds us, survival would be impossible, but together, we are indestructible. This explains the severity of Lashon Horah as it pulls people apart and sows disunity among our people. These negative words might seem inconsequential, but they're not; they can lead to our destruction.

As we, the Jewish people, face unique challenges today in Israel and around the world, we must recognize that united we stand and divided we fall. We might like to believe that we're all individuals and need only concern ourselves with our own well-being, but the truth is we are all interconnected, one extended family. No matter how different we might be on the surface and the unique particulars of our lives, we share a destiny. It's time we embraced each other and used our words to lift one another, strengthening the bonds that unite us and securing a bright and beautiful future for Am Yisroel.

Mission: This week, you might be tempted to speak badly about another person; before you do pause and consider the effect your words will have to either unite or divide. Choose words that connect and secure a better future for all of us.